How Time Does Fly

It is hard for me to believe that this cute little guy...



...has grown up and is married



Yes, my baby brother is now a married man. Julie, his wife is a wonderful girl, I had the privilege of meeting her on Skype. She is sweet and kind and very smart. And a good cook.
They got married on September 15th in Odessa, Ukraine.
I am soooo happy for my not so little brother :)

When I sit down for 45 seconds...

it's usually to do homework with one of the boys. When they are done fighting over who sits on which side of me and gets to hold which hand and Rachael is climbing all over me and is chatting happily (expecting me to keep up with the conversation) Jadin/Daniel starts reading while his brother is talking to me about his day at school. Meanwhile, M is reading a profound theological statement at least 7 sentences long and is expecting an intelligent response. And that's when the dog starts howling....
Flute playing may not seem like such a bad way to vent considering options other people resorted to (like drowning their 5 kids in the bathtub, running away assuming a new identity somewhere in Canada, or becoming an alcoholic).
Just sayin'....

P.S. You have to forgive this post, I came down with a cold yesterday and am still miserable.

A Few Years Ago...

...when Jadin and Daniel were babies/toddlers, they wouldn't really take naps in their beds. They would sleep on me for hours while only taking 30 min. naps if I put them in their beds. I remember how difficult it was for me to sit still for a couple of hours. I couldn't wait for them to get a little bit older and take actual naps in places designated for it. I was looking forward to putting them down and tip toeing quietly out of the room to go do something, clean something, cook something, anything that didn't involve sitting in a chair in the same position for two hours looking at the nearest wall.
When Rachael was born I was determined to teach her to sleep in her bed from day one. We struggled for a week and she was good. She learned. In fact, she turned out to be quite independent. I invite her to come cuddle in my bed at night time and she does, for a short time, and then she firmly tells me she wants in her bed. At nap time she just climbs in there (sometimes reluctantly) and goes right to sleep.
Ah, sweet two hours of freedom.
I was practicing today when she came and said 'Mommy, can you hold me just for a little while. I want 'rock baby' (pointing to her favorite rocking chair). So I put the flute down and rocked my baby to sleep. I breathed in her sweet smell, felt the touch of her still baby-like curls on my cheek, her warm body pressed tightly against my chest, her little arms wrapped around me.
As I was rocking in that chair enjoying the fleeting time of togetherness with my daughter I couldn't help but wonder where I was so in a hurry to all those years ago. I was foolish. People kept telling me that this too shall pass and much faster than I think and that I will miss these moments. I nodded politely and smiled and quietly disagreed.
As I am holding my last baby in my arms knowing that she will rest much better and feel more refreshed if she sleeps in her bed, I am reluctant to put her down. I want to hang on to her just a little longer. I will have time to show off my spotless house to my friends when my nest is empty. There will be time for three course gourmet meals and a glass of wine and a book. But it is not now. Not yet.
Shhh! Let me enjoy my sleeping baby. She will be going off to school way too soon.

I Have Decided...

Being on a jury for a trial that is getting a lot if TV and newspaper coverage, I decided to stop blogging until it's over.

We Are Expecting Company Tonight

What Comes To YOUR Mind?

If you asked me as a young woman in Ukraine what came to mind food wise when I thought of America, I would say tacos, Chinese food, and, oddly enough (or, at least I think it's odd now), these:

(not the fancy kind, just a simple white ice cream in chocolate coating one. For some reason I can't find a picture of it, so this one will have to do)
While I attribute Chinese food to movies and tacos to missionaries, don't ask me where the ice cream bar is coming from.
Interestingly enough neither #1 nor #2 is a truly American invention. Of course, if you have ever been to China or Mexico, you will probably disagree with that statement. LOL.
In 7.5 years of living here I never did get to try the only truly American thing on that list, the ice cream bar. So, when we stopped by Sa.feway on the way from evening service yesterday, I decided to go for it, today being the 4th of July and all.
Let me tell ya, I couldn't wait to get home. I was staring at them longingly on the looong (5 min.) drive home and even forgot my flute in the car in anticipation of the treat (M. jokes that I always bring the flute in before I even unbuckle the kids. For your information, that's not always true. LOL)
When I got my very first bar out of the pack I was immediately disappointed. What looked so big and scrumptious in the picture turned out to be this little skinny thing. Not at all why I expected.
It tasted ok. I am not sure I'll buy it again, the chocolate coating wasn't very good.
Isn't funny how things are usually not what we imagine them to be.

Is It Friday AGAIN?

1. I started a veeery bad tradition - donuts Friday. Once kids discovered what thy are they keep asking for them. I am sure it will not hurt THEM if I get a dozen every once in a while.

2. Someone told me once that if you run 6 miles a day it doesn't matter what you eat you will stay in shape. I am pretty sure it doesn't include THREE bavarian cream filled donuts. Sigh.

3. M. found a Yamaha 400 series silver flute with all the bells and whistles (even split E!) on e-bay for only 1400$. CRAZY! Too bad timing is so absolutely horrible, otherwise I would be really tempted to get it, even though I will never be good enough to fully utilize something that fancy.

4. I finally went to the doctor to have my broken pinky looked at just to find out it's a birth defect and even though physical therapy might help gain some more function, there's nothing they can do to fix it. There goes my life long dream to have it fixed (and 50$ co-pay with it.)

5. It's raining AGAIN! I don't know what's going on with weather, but I hate it! We have only been able to go to the lake once this summer. Our back yard is turning into jungle (too wet to mow).

6. Jadin informed me that it's my birthday tomorrow. The kids are SOOO excited! They have been talking about eating my birthday cake (ooops, I guess it means I should start baking it, they will be so disappointed if there's no cake) and blowing out my candles (plenty of those to go 'round, too. I can't believe I am THAT old!) and getting balloons. It's amusing to see their anticipation and joy. It's been sooo long since I have seen anyone getting so excited about my birthday. LOL.

7. Speaking of birthdays, when I was my kids age my parents would buy me ten (!) ice creams on a stick and let me eat as many as I wanted at a time. It was the tastiest fruity kind that was only available in the summer. Of course, there was also cake and presents and a pretty dress, but my favourite memory is still that of ice cream.


Happy Fourth of July weekend, Friends!

We Are Back!

Which is a miracle! (I'll explain later)
We had a wonderful visit, the best we ever had. M. did not work too late on Friday so we were able to leave that night and arrived at the farm about 11ish pm their time. They were not expecting us til Saturday, so every possible sleeping place(except the living room) had been occupied. I would have been fine in the living room, and really wanted the kids to sleep there with us, too, rather then being stuffed in the small office with the rest of the kids. ILs were really nice and decided to switch with us and let us sleep in their bedroom while they slept in the living room. It worked out really well (we sleep later than everyone else, and that way people could use the kitchen and living room early in the morning) though I wasn't comfortable kicking two older people out of their bedroom. It had been decided before we arrived though, and we didn't really have a choice other then to start arguing in the middle of the night. We were asked to let the boys sleep with their cousin in the office the next day which I politely declined. Kids are not an inconvenience to me personally, in fact I prefer to have them close, and M. is too tired to be bothered by them.
The children had so much fun! They pretty much played outside all day Saturday, exploring the farm and getting dirt and ticks all over themselves (the boys ended up getting washed twice). I had a wonderful time visiting with MIL and SIL, and did not feel excluded like before. We even played a little together (BIL brought his guitar and SIL plays piano, though it really needs tuned). SIL told us they were expecting #4 (yay! their youngest was wearing a shirt saying 'I have a secret...I am a BIG sister!' but I decided not to ask unless they say something just to be sure. After all, they had told us before that they were done with kids and I did have an uncomfortable moment at church when I asked a new couple when they were expecting their #2 (she looked about 6 months along) and she told me they were not pregnant.)
So, Sunday morning rolls around and we are all ready to go to church. Except our van. It decided to quit on us. On the only trip when M. forgot his tools at home! He is pretty awesome, can fix ANYTHING with a motor and most anything that doesn't have a motor. Apparently two of the six coils decided they were done (quite unusual, M. says) He decided to go to church anyway on a chance that it will snap out of it (yeh, right, like that ever happens!). By the time we got to church (which was only about 15 min. away) the car was smoking.
M. was really stressed. He had to be back to RC on Sunday night to go to work early Monday morning and it was Sunday afternoon. Even if he was right about the coils (there were other possibilities), where would we find two new ones on a Sunday afternoon and how is M. going to fix the car without the tools?
Well, he is pretty amazing, like I said. A few phone calls, a trip to SF and some fighting with the car without tools later he announced that I better be packed because 'she is purrin' like a kitty'.
So, we were back home very late Sunday night. M. said that it must be my fault that the car broke, electronic things just happen to break around me (my phone quit a few days earlier for no obvious reason). Aren't these things always the wife's fault? LOL
I guess, I am lucky to be married to a guy who can fix them.

7 Quick Takes

1. My flute playing friend came over with her girls last night for a play date. The kids had such a wonderful time! And so did the mommies. We never actually cracked the cases open or played a note but oh, what a joy it was to visit!
2. Since the actual practice never took place I am going through withdrawal. I need to pack for our trip, but can't stop thinking of the flute. I just want to get it out of the case, to hold it, to play just one exercise, or a couple of scales, my hands are shaking (no, you don't have to put me in an institution, I do not mean it literally :). It's more addictive, than coffee :). Which brings me to #...
3. Our McDonalds on Mt.Rushmore has THE BEST coffee in town! It's better then Starbucks (disclaimer: hot raspberry chocolate mocha from Caribou still holds first place in my heart) I go there so often, that the ladies all know me and my large five cream one sugar :) I also got kids donuts in anticipation of the trip. M. and I are not big on donuts, so our kids don't have them...like, ever. They were sooo excited. Daniel picked chocolate (and later discovered bonus - bavarian cream inside!) Rachael picked sprinkles (and is currently eating it veeeery slowly, one sprinkle at a time) and Jadin got long john with chocolate and sprinkles.
4. Speaking of the trip. M's sister is visiting from AL, so we are going to grandparents' place (were they are staying) tonight. I am dreading it. Grandma is all for healthy eating (hence the donuts for the kids, they don't like healthy food so they end up starving the whole time) and when they built their new house they didn't plan on kids or grand kids to ever come visit, because there's only one tiny guest room (that will be occupied by sister). All six of our kids will go into tiny (and I mean TINY, it's only slightly bigger then our TINY bathroom)office and M and I will sleep on the living room floor (they have a huge glass door and a big window there and no shades. The sun comes up at 4:30 am. Oh, joy!)
5. Hmmm, this turned into a complaining session. I really do need at least half an hour with the flute! (I swear, if Daniel says 'Why are we not packing yet' one more time I am going to loose it).
6. Rachael put on her sandals all by herself! They even went on the right feet! I am sure it was a coincidence, but I am still so proud of my little girl! The caregivers at the YMCA do find her independence a little annoying, though. She refuses help in the bathroom, or with her food, and she fends for herself should an older kid decide to take away a toy she is playing with. She is such a cute tiny peanut, everyone wants to help her or hold her or play with her and she will have none of that. Too much mommy in that little girl.
7. Jadin and Daniel are doing pretty well with their summer school. Daniel loves to read and hates to write letters (he is a leftie! I can't believe I am a mom to a leftie, my own left hand is absolutely worthless) and writing is a bit challenging. Jadin doesn't mind math and writing (we have a special program that his school recommended) and absolutely hates reading.

Happy Friday, friends!

It Was Good While It Lasted

I don't like to be yelled at. Especially for no obvious reason.

When we first meet someone who immigrated as an adult the differences really aren't obvious to the eye, especially when that person looks exactly like us (as in being a white Caucasian as opposed to looking Asian or black) and speaks our language quite well. I remember when I was first in a similar situation in Ukraine being around someone who looked like me and was learning the language (and doing very well) and how difficult it was to remember that though that person looks like me, the culture he grew up in made him very different. Now, that difference would have been easier to keep in mind if he was a green person with three hands and tentacles for hair. I would not have viewed some things as offensive if he LOOKED different because that difference in looks would have been an ever present reminder of the cultural differences that were not visible to the eye.
Having moved here from a culture that is much more direct and much less sensitive, I have to always keep in mind these little things that can offend people, like standing too close to people when I talk to them, or trying not to be too direct when expressing my views and ideas as I would have otherwise been. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail but I would say it's getting easier with each year. It's a learning experience.
What happened recently however is probably the first HUGE fail in that department. It resulted in me making a decision of not being a part of the trio any more.
Let me explain.
One of the ladies I played with have been doing it all her life. The other have been taking lessons for about three and a half years. When I joined I was taking lessons for less then five months, though I do have non flute related background in music. So, when we were getting ready for a recital, I did not think twice about asking what we were doing about dynamics. After all, everyone in the group is an experienced player and a question like that shouldn't cause confusuion or touble. Were we paying attention to them? Were we ignoring them? What did everybody think? (and this IS exactly how I worded it - remember, I know not to be too direct to avoid being perceived as critical) So, imagine my surprise when the lady who has been playing all her life (let's call her Amber, I do not want to use her real name) looses her temper and throws the worst screaming temper tantrum I have ever seen an adult throw! She yells at the top of her lungs that I am new to the group and have no reason to call her a bad flutist.
After picking up my jaw from the floor where it had landed when this whole thing started, my brain was frantically going through the evening trying to find the point in time when I said or implied she was a bad player. Yes, she was having a hard time getting lost all evening and when I noticed that she didn't have the full score and was playing from a sheet that only had her part, I said 'Oh, poor Amber! No wonder you are having a hard time! You can't see where we all are. Let me run and make you a copy of my full score, it will make it so much easier!' To which she replied that she couldn't follow the score without getting lost. Huh? Remember, she's been playing for 30 years and this was not new music to her, she had already performed this.
Ok, she doesn't want the score, that's fine. But how is offering to make her a copy of full score in any way offensive? Or, why is asking what we were doing about dynamics calling ANYONE a bad flutist??? I guess, I am really so insensitive it doesn't even register, because I STILL DON"T UNDERSTAND!
I went and cried in the bathroom (mostly out of shock and desperation) and she apologized. After we left, the other flutist (I'll call her Katie) called me and said she was totally shocked and though it did happen to her as well, it was not nearly as bad. It must be the stress. Amber must be feeling a little threatened by my abilities (what abilities???? I have been playing for 4.5 months!) Let's hope it will not happen again.
Ok, I am not resentful, we all have our moments, let's forget this whole thing. Well, last Thursday about an hour after we were done practicing, I had a brilliant (or so I thought) idea. Why don't we ask our flute teacher to come in and give us a few lessons on how to play together as a group. How do we balance the sound? Who is supposed to do what to make three different parts sound like one piece of music instead of playing three solos. So I call both Katie and Amber and leave an identical messages on their machine saying 'Hey, what do you guys think about paying our teacher to come and work with us for the month of July to help as learn to play as a group?' Katie called me back and left a message on my machine telling me how absolutely awesome an idea it is and how she wished she had thought of it before. YAY! Amber never calls me back, so I call her the next day to see if it's a 'yes' or a 'no'. She picks up the phone and begins with 'How can you insult me like that' followed by another 30 min long screaming fit.
Needless to say, it's over for me. Yes, she called and apologized and asked me to please not leave the group. I feel really bad about leaving, but I can not stay. I do not like to be yelled at for what seems like no reason. Amber told me she tried very hard to please me by making copies of the full scores of the new music (which does not make any sense to me, why would I care what SHE is playing from?) She said she didn't like that I came and started changing the way they did things (she was talking about me pointing out the the publisher missed the last note of the previous measure being the pickup note when marking the intros on a few songs to which everyone agreed, it was really really obvious).
We are just really different and should not play together. Katie and I (and our church pianist, she played with the two of us once and really wanted to keep doing it) will continue playing together. Amber told me that she and Katie will keep playing together as well (sounds great! I also told her I will ask my teacher if she can find someone else for them)
Too bad it didn't work out.

Food Stamps and Friday Morning.

I usually try avoiding W.allmart twice a month on Fridays when government issues food stamps. Not only is it that the shelves are bare (it looks a bit like a tornado warning has been issued and the whole town went grocery shopping for food that should last them a month) and the lines are loooong, but also because the concept of food stamps reminds me of that first year after the Soviet Union collapsed. With the state went the money and for the longest time the government would issue these sheets and sheets of 'money' to take to the grocery store. You literally had to have three-four sheets of these to get a loaf of bread. Also, since food was in very short supply, you could only get it in limited quantities per family. Like, two lb. of sugar at a time (an you never knew when the next time the store will have sugar is going to be) Needless to say, these are not my favorite memories.
Well a couple of weeks ago on Friday I had to go to Wa.llmart regardless of how I felt about it. We ran out of dog food (poor Lucy!) and diapers (Rachael went back to sleeping in pull-ups a few months ago, which I prefer to her waking up every two hours to go pee anyway).
So, to Wal.lmart I go, three kids in tow. It wasn't a very productive trip, because of the bare shelves and three hyper kids. I picked up the diapers and was on my way to get dog food (which is on the opposite side of the store) when I noticed this guy turning frequently and just staring at the boys. He freaked me out a bit. I am used to women commenting on the kids all the time (they ARE cute kids, if I say so myself). But it's always a quick comment, no one ever just kept turning around and staring like that before. I decided to just ignore the guy, get my dog food and get out.
I go to check out, pick the shortest (two mile long) line and park everyone there. The kids went to check out the toys by the register and needed my 'help' being nice to each other. And that is why I didn't pay attention to my surroundings. BIG mistake! Because right in front of us was that guy that stared at the boys earlier. By the time I noticed he was trying to start a conversation with me asking all sorts of questions about the boys (he was not at all interested in Rachael, which is weired in and of itself, because she is the youngest and ALWAYS insists on wearing pretty dresses and pigtails when we go out, so she is usually the one getting all the comments). Now, I usually try to be polite with people, smile at them and talk to them (M. just grunts and turns away which discourages conversation). But I had no idea what to do with the guy. He wanted to know everything from age to where they go to school, to what they like to eat. Am I the only one who thinks it's inappropriate? He was also trying to keep his voice down so I had to ask him to repeat the questions over again. I had it with him when he asked where I lived and since I was obviously avoiding answering that question (just like the rest of his questions) he started naming the streets and asking me if I lived there. SERIOUSLY???? At that point Rachael said she needed to go potty, I sighed the sigh of relief and we all went to a different register.

NEVER.GO.TO.WALLMART.ON.FOOD.STAMPS.DAY.

Please, don't think that I put every one who needs food stamps in the 'creepy' category. Many of the families using them are truly in a difficult spot and are trying their very hardest to get off of them. I know that. But then there's creepy individuals, and for some reason I tend to run into that kind of people.

Also, I NEED.TO.LEARN.TO.GRUNT.AND.TURN.AWAY.to discourage that type of conversation.

Why Do These God Moments Never Happen To Me?

I was talking to a friend of mine and a fellow flute player about something that happened to me recently and that's what she said. Let me give you the whole story, though.
I do my own flute research in addition to the lessons because, well, let's face it, I am a bit slow. Sometimes I need more than one person to explain things to me. Someone who can word it differently, and then it clicks.
So I stumbled over a teaching video for a particular piece of music that calls for a lot of articulated middle Es. If you ever played the flute, you know that middle Es tend to be flat. Just a flute thing. So this particular flutist was talking about venting her Es just a a little bit when she practices because that raises the pitch and once your ear is used to hearing that non-flat E, you tend to be more mindful of your pitch when you perform and don't vent it. Obviously, she has an open hole flute, you can't vent your Es if yours is closed holes (like mine)
I have to admit, I was listening to her and really wishing maybe for the first time, to have an open hole flute. So that if I do want to vent, I can.
So, last Tuesday while working my normal shift at the YMCA I mentioned that this new flute exercise hurt my tongue and I was having a hard time talking (you think I was overstating? Try putting a chopstick in your mouth and curling your tongue over it and playing like that. OUCH! It hurts to even think about that. I'll give it a week and try again ;) And one of the ladies I work with says 'Do you play flute?' (and there I thought I go on and on about different aspects of flute playing whenever I get a chance. Is it possible I go to this place every week for four hours and never mention something that preoccupies my thoughts at all times?) She goes, 'I played the flute when I was young and my daughter (who I share a birthday with, by the way) played it in high school. She is in college now and I have this great open hole flute at home that no one plays. It's in great shape! Would you like to borrow it? I would love to let you use it!'
ARE YOU KIDDING? Of course, I want to borrow it! I will treat it well, keep it as my performance instrument and make sure all the pads are changed and the thing is oiled!

I am amazed at how God hears even the prayers we don't pray, and gives us things that we don't really need but would like to have. I would never be able to justify buying something like that for myself. I am just really not that good on the flute.
These God moments happen to me all the time. Actually, it's not just me. I am quite positive God doesn't have favourites. After all, He gave his Son for ALL of His chosen children, and isn't it the greatest gift anyone could receive?
I guess, I am just mindful of these other little gifts that God gives me. After all, this flute can turn out to be a piece of junk with holes in the keys, but I am still happy. I am happy because God loves me so much to even think of such a little thing as an open hole flute. That He chooses to manifest Himself to me like that. It makes my heart sing.
No, it's not just me. I am sure other people have these experiences in their life, too. We just need to see them for what they are. God at work.

Blessings

A new song by Laura Story

It All Started With a Dress.

This one, to be exact:


It's absolutely gorgeous! This dress will make ANYONE look like a model.
So, obviously I couldn't wait to wear it and yesterday was definitely the perfect day for it. It was hot! Our first hot day in SD, and believe me, we all enjoyed it. (except for neighbors, did I ever mention that I practice with my door open to be able to watch the kids? HA-ha, poor people.)
It wasn't two minutes after I put it on that Rachael noticed I was wearing a dress. And she (horror of horrors) was wearing pants! Oh, NO! She demanded a pretty dress for herself which was promised to her after a nap and a bath. I told her she could wear it to the nursery.
Ehhh, not good enough. She went to spare bedroom (where I keep her dresses) and picked the one she could reach. Unfortunately the reason she could reach it was because I put it on the bed as a 'too small for her winter dress that needs to be put up in the attic' one.
Did you know that it's absolutely pointless to talk some sense into a 2yo? No matter how hard I was trying to explain it to her she would not have it.

So, some tears a nap and a bath later she still remembered my promise of a pretty dress and also semi-forgot the one she picked out for herself earlier. I say 'semi-forgot' because she made me iron three different dresses and neither of them worked for her. She could remember that those were NOT the ones she picked but not what the one she did pick looked like. Half an hour later we finally settled on the dress. The fanciest summer bishop dress she has, to be exact.
Of course, the second Daniel walked in the room he noticed Rachael was all dressed up. And he wasn't. Nope, not gonna work. So, back to the ironing board I go. This time I am smart, though. I iron a fancy shirt for Jadin, as well.
Another lesson I learned? Do NOT put nice shirts on two young boys until 2 minutes before you are ready to leave. Jadin and Daniel were killing each other, uh, I mean playing in the living room and one of Jadin's old battle scars started bleeding...all over the carpet, the jeans, and, yes, that fancy shirt I just ironed.
He got changed. He screamed because I refused to turn the iron on for the third time to iron yet another fancy shirt.

I will never buy myself a new dress ever again.

But that's why my family looked like we were going to a wedding when we stopped by music store to drop something off and then went to the gym.

Glad To Be Back To The US of A.

My day started exactly as the one before. They all kind of do. After I made muffins for breakfast I jumped in the shower before opening the door and letting my kids play outside while I get my practice time (I hope our neighbors like the flute, because the only time I get to practice is when the kids are outside and I can't leave them unattended, so I keep the door open.) So, once I am done with the shower I hear the phone buzz and the irritated voice of my husband asks me why I am not picking up the phone (note to self: do NOT put phone on vibrate only while taking a shower if you want to stay married). Apparently, he forgot an important piece of equipment in their work shed and wanted me to bring it to him. In Custer. Yes, you heard that right. Custer. An 1.5 hours drive out of town.
Sigh. There goes my practice time. I guess that solo will not be ready by tomorrow. I hate going to my lesson unprepared.
So I load the kids into the car and go find his place of work. It takes me three tries, I end up going half to Sturgis twice. No sense of direction here. But I do find it, eventually, put the thing in the car and take it to Custer. Without turning off to Mt. Rushmore, mind you. (huge accomplishment! LOL)
I find hubby, give him his thingy, feed the kids lunch and head back home. About twenty or so minutes into our trip back I notice that the road doesn't look familiar. It's kind of woody. And HW 16 is not supposed to go through the woods...as far as I remember. Could be wrong.
After arriving at some lake I have never heard of before I call M. and ask if this lake is on the way home. Silence on the other end for a loooong 10 sec. and then 'Lake WHAT???? Never heard of it before! (M. knows this area inside and out...or so be both thought) Are you in Custer State Park? How did you get in? You don't have a permit. Did you stop at the booth and pay the fee?' Booth? What booth? What fee? Am I going to get arrested? What do you mean, you have never heard of that lake??? I WANNA GO HOME!!!!
Ok, so now I am really freaking out. I am going through the park, calling M every 10 minutes to get my bearings, turning around and going the opposite way a couple of times praying I will not get stopped by a park ranger for being there without a permit and still hoping to get to a place I actually recognize.
I spare you the rest. When we finally got to Rapid, Daniel sighed deeply and said 'I am sooo happy we are back to the United States of America!'

So am I, son, so am I.

PS And after all that I went to the YMCA to volunteer for 4 hours. Both the kids and I are so tired we put our socks in the fridge (me) instead of the wash machine and look for Rachael's sippy that is right there in front of our very noses (first Rachael and then myself) for 15 minutes, end up getting a clean one out, filling it up with milk and THEN finding the other one (still full of milk).

Tomorrow is a new day. The furthest I am planning on going is YMCA 12 blocks away. Do you think I will make it without getting lost?

7 Quick Takes

1. I decided to do 7 quick takes again and it's actually Friday! I really like writing this way, though there's not much going on so I am not sure I will end up actually having 7.
2. Jadin finally brought home one of those dreaded christian character awards. I really wanted to take it back and talk to the teacher about the whole thing. M. wasn't on board with it. I also got to ask our Pastor about it (again!) only because I was at church for a meeting, and he said to just keep it. Sigh. Still think it's not right.
3.The weather is finally improving here. It's hard to believe we made it through another winter. It was in the 70s yesterday! Even wind couldn't spoil it for me. It is going to be cooler the next few days but we are still talking 40s.
4.I overdid it on the flute yesterday and my mouth HURTS! I was told to keep it at about 30 min. every day, but, seriously, it takes me 45 min just to warm up. Anyways, 3.5 hours is probably too much even for me but the kids were playing happily and I am enjoying myself too much, it's hard to put it down.
5. When I was a little girl and refused to practice piano, my mom always told me how grandma used to punish her for being bad by locking her piano and not letting her practice (my piano has a little lock with a key, though I don't remember seing that key). I have to confess I wished more than once that my mom punish ME that way, too. All I got was more time practicing :) Now I feel the same way about the flute. I giuess, piano was simply not the right instrument for me :)
6.I noticed that Rachael is much happier when Daniel is at home. He only goes to school three days a week now and they play so well together. We will be getting a higher water bill this month (they like splashing in the sink together) but it's totally worth it to me.
7. Rachael likes to run around the house naked. I often come to the living room and find that she took all her clothes off (again). She is soooo cute, but though we keep our house warm, it's still not THAT warm. She can put on her panties and pants by herself but I still have to help her with the shirt (on the way on, she seems to have nooooo problem getting rid of it.)

Happy Friday, friends!

God Moments

**Special thanks to Brooke for encouraging me to update this blog. If you need the encouragement, I am sure she will be happy to provide it for a small fee. She has a magic touch)**

Ok, not major ones. If you were not a believer in God you would probably just call them coincidences. Fine by me (I am not the one going to hell).
So, a couple of weeks ago I was looking at my flute warm-ups thinking to myself 'Boy, I wish I had a wider variety of these exercises so that I can spend more time on improving my tone.' Lo and behold, the first words out of my teacher's mouth at the next lesson were 'I want you to buy this book' (yes, it's the one I mentioned in my previous post light years ago). And today it came.
Be careful what you wish for, God does listen. From today on I will be spending about half an hour every day playing the same 12 notes between 1st B and 2nd B over and over again at a paaaaainfully slow tempo. Yes, for about half an hour (or longer if I am more diligent).
On the bright side, the book says I should improve. Eventually...(aren't you glad you are not my neighbor?) LOL.
Another 'God moment' started at church. I played flute during worship service for the first time in a couple of months. This little fifth grader comes running up to me afterwards, her face lit with absolute delight and excitement. I know the little girl quite well, we are a small church and she happens to absolutely adore small children of which I had three in the past few years (Rachael is still in that adorable age of grabbing A's attention whenever they see each other. She loves the attention, A loves giving it to her and I love the free time I get to talk to ADULTS. It's a win-win-win :). So we bonded over that. But I have never seen her THAT exited and though our pastor is a great preacher I doubted she was old enough to get that much from his sermon.
Turns out, since she will be starting 6th grade next year and they are required to take band, she will be learning to play the clarinet (I am not sure what it has to do with the flute, but in her mind it is obviously connected). I am sure that particular instrument was chosen because her dad used to play it in middle school and kept it after he was (allowed to be) done. It does require repair, but they already have it. She told me she can't wait to start to which I said 'great! we can practice together!' She was so, so excited! I even found a couple of teachers for her and gave their names to her mom.
So, like I just said, my flute book came in the mail today. Guess what else I found in that package? Yes, three books for B flat clarinet! The note said 'Thank you! Bonus books inside' The seller mush have decided to clear her/his music and sent these three books to me. Providentially, all three are for the clarinet and now she has some books to start learning. And we can practice together :) (that should make those long tones a little less boring)

Few Words Wednesday

I ordered this book at the recommendation of my teacher (and saved 10$ by ordering vs. buying it at the music store where I have my lessons). Ahhh, tone work. Don't you love it? You do? What is wrong with you???!!!



It should be here in a week. Until then I will go slur my octaves. FUN! (sarcasm, obviously)

Visit.

Remember the drama with a busted ear drum? Well, it didn't end there, though we were fortunate enough to have it happen on Wednesday and Thursday, because Grandpa and Grandma came to visit on Friday and by then Daniel was feeling a little better.
Our Grandparents have really high expectations when it comes to keeping a clean house. Needless to say, when they come to visit I start freaking out (I do have three small children and eating in the living room is not a crime in this house, so, yes, our floors do have an occasional crumb on them, let alone toys) Add to that an early phone call from a friend and spending all morning with her and all three of those children having been sick for the last three weeks and you will get the idea about my mental state (and the state of my house).
Well, at least the kids were really happy. They ADORE grandparents. The first thing Rachael asks when she wakes up is 'Where's Grandma?' Unfortunately I have no pictures, because I was too busy with meals/laundry/cleaning up. Throw in a couple of adults in my tiny kitchen all giving me advice and a work out/flute practice time, and it's amazing I am as sane as I am (ok, I did manage to put pepper shaker in the fridge and do some other things that an adult in a normal healthy state of mind probably wouldn't do, but other than that I am doing pretty well (insert hysterical laughing here).
So, to 'more drama' part. Rachael woke up on Sunday morning kind of crabby. I was hoping Grandparents would help take care of the kids during worship team practice, but they decided to stay home. It's a good thing they did. I could hear her crying the whole time we were practicing. In addition to that practicing wasn't good. Someone told me (quite meanly) that I was playing too close to their ear. Also when the piano and vocals could not keep the same tempo for some reason they decided to 'kick the drummer (me)' so to speak. So, after we played through all the songs once I went to investigate Rachael's continuous crying. (it was obvious that no additional practicing would make us sound any better as a group, for that we would have to grow EARS and start listening to each other instead of being soloists) One look at her miserable face and rubbing of the ear and I was on my way to Rapid Care (they are open on Sundays, a great alternative to the ER) where I ended up spending my morning. M wasn't happy, he thought I should wait till Monday because 'we can't be sure it's an ear infection'. Who's 'we'?
Turned out, I was right.(And that is why God gave children MOTHERS. So that they can survive the childhood). Another child with an ear infection. It's amazing what a dose of antibiotics can do to a child, though! By evening service she was her regular happy self. I keep telling M. that Mother's gut is Always right!
Well, grandparents are on the way home, ear infections are being dealt with, Daniel got a few much needed spankings (which resulted in a MUCH better attitude). Now, a work out and some time with the flute and my sanity might make a come back.

My Most Favorite Picture Of Them All.

Remember that first picture of Daniel I mentioned I really wanted to post on his birthday and couldn't find? My friend and doula who actually took it e-maild it to me. So, here it is:



Awww, my baby! Miracle in the making. What more can I say.

A Bit Of A Difficult Situation

Not for me. We are all fine and I am happy to see Daniel feeling better and playing and laughing again. Those antibiotics must be working. Today is his first fever-free day.
I was awaken by a phone call this morning (awaken rather late, by the way, had it not been for that phone call Jadin would have been VERY late for school). I didn't make it in time to actually get it but my friend left me a message. I was very surprised by that call because though we were close in the past and talked a lot on the phone she stopped calling me once she got more independent, learned to drive a car and started working on and off.
She was crying as she told me her husband wants a divorce. Hers has never been a happy marriage, she is mail order bride and a Christian married to a guy hostile to Christianity. Yes, she was told it wasn't the right decision, but it is what it is. She decided to marry the guy anyway. She is not happy with him, and never has been. There's a lot of things he is doing that are wrong. She also thinks he's cheated on her (heard a phone message that wasn't intended for her ears). And now he wants a divorce. He told her she will be better off staying in the States instead of going back to Ukraine (I don't think he cares that much he just doesn't want to pay for the ticket) and that he will be willing to fix her car (she was in a minor fender-bender a week ago, which was the first time I heard from her in a long time, she wanted to know if we can help her pay to get her car fixed) and will take her to California to stay with a pastor she knew briefly ten years ago and haven't talked to for a few years.
She is devastated. She doesn't want a divorce. She doesn't know what to do. She is not a citizen, but I understand that she is eligible should she want to become one (and if she had the money, which she doesn't)
My heart is breaking for her. There's really nothing I can do to help but pray. I am not even sure what to pray for. I don't think staying with the guy is a good thing for her. I can't pray for divorce, it's against God's will and she doesn't really want it. It makes me ever more thankful for the great husband that I have. But I wish it was different for her. I wish she didn't marry him in the first place. I wish she did the right thing and followed God. What a difficult situation! If you think of my friend, will you say a prayer for God to turn this bad situation into something positive.
Thank you!

Another Reason...

...why I haven't blogged in a while is sick kids. It all started with Jadin (as it usually does). He had what looked like the flu to me. I did take him to the doctor after a week just to make sure his lungs were clear (which they were and by then he was obviously getting over whatever bug he had so it turned out to be a waisted trip). Doctor D. said that since he did have a flu shot that it was probably not the flu. However I talked to another medical professional and she said that they simply missed that strain of the flu.
Jadin is fine now, and so is Rachael (she had fever for two days last week but still has the cough and the runny nose, which could be totally unconnected to the virus, because I found a brand new tooth on the very back of her mouth) but Daniel has had a fever for over a week now. He also woke up crying at 4 am on Wednesday saying that his ear hurt. Well, there's nothing I could do at 4 am, so he was told that, and given Tylenol and sent back to bed. I ended up 'sleeping' in his bed with him (if you can call that sleeping). We took him to the doctor as soon as the office opened and he does have an ear infection, the very first one in his life. Am I the only one thinking that 5 years old is a little too late to start having ear infections? Don't kids usually have them between birth and 5?
Anyway, we started him on antibiotics, what really concerns me is that I found a couple drops of blood on his pillow and dried up blood in his ear. Very, very bad! I called the doc. right away and he said that Daniel could have ruptured his ear drum (the nurse who delivered that news to me sounded totally unconcerned, like rupturing an ear drum is not a big deal) but that he doubts that's what happened (then where is the blood coming from???) because he just looked at him yesterday and it didn't look that bad. He also said to bring him back if the pain worsens over the weekend.
Now, I understand that if his ear drum did get ruptured, there's nothing they can do about it now. But I am his mom and I am freaking out and want answers NOW! Doesn't look like that's going to happen, but I am taking him back Monday morning when he is done with his antibiotics.
-Sigh-
Life WILL get better. I know it will. We just need to be patient.

Let me state the obvious. I haven't updated for a while. There IS a reason, a few, even. One of them is, I really wanted to blog about Daniel. He turned 5 on Feb.25. So, I started looking for a particular picture. Went through every picture on the 20+ picture CDs and it's nowhere to be found. It's my absolute favorite of all times! I HAVE to have it. So, I asked my doula, who snapped that picture, if she still has it. I hope she does. Otherwise back I go to those CDs. If I do happen to find it, you will know why. It's literally the picture of him taking his first breaths, up close, with umbilical cord still uncut and showing a HUGE knot on it. I wouldn't mind loosing any other picture but not THAT one.
So, needless to say, no birthday post for Daniel. But I do want to post some great pictures of him. So, here we go:
Daniel's baptism. He is 7 days old:



This first one is of Daniel in Ukraine visiting my parents. He is 2.5 months old



Daniel's first Christmas, at Grandma and Grandpa B's. He is 10 m.o.



First independent steps:



Daniel's 2nd birthday. Unfortunately he was very sick with RSV and then the flu on his first birthday, so, no pictures.



And, finally, his birthday cake this year:

Parent-Teacher Conferences.

I don't usually look forward to them. I get feed back from teachers on a day-to-day basis, so it's all old news to me. M. really wants to know what's going on (why can't he just ask ME?) so the teachers try really hard to do them on Wednesday (his day off) because involved dads are a rarity and they are trying to encourage him (gotta love small Christian schools). That meant we had to be there at 7.40 am for Jadin's conference (the only time the teacher had. She is amazing! If it was me, I'd tell mom to come on Thursday)
I am not a morning person. Add M yelling at me for sitting on an important (to him) piece of paper he put in MY seat in the car (that I didn't notice, obviously. WHY would I ever think about looking what's in my seat before sitting in it?) and I was in a really bad mood. Than we pull out of the drive way and it turns out M forgot their back packs (I assumed he brought them because that's what I do when I put them in the car. Since M put them in the car this morning I didn't think about it). You guessed it, somehow it was MY fault. Did I mention I was already in a bad mood?
On the way to school Rachael said something we didn't understand. She was getting agitated (because of the lack of response from us) so M, trying to understand, said 'Did your milk dry out?' (that's what it sounded like). Her response? 'Nope, it's still wet' I laughed so hard! (don't ask me why, it sounded really funny at the time). It's kind of hard to be mad at anybody after laughing like that. It's amazing how a small child can brighten your day like that.
Jadin's teacher didn't say anything unexpected. He is doing very well academically and they she is still working on his listening skills.
Daniel's preschool teacher had an accident in the morning so Daniel had to go to Mrs. H's class. AND we celebrated his birthday at school. As a side note, I overheard her telling other moms how parents were supposed to bring HEALTHY treats and how we (I) didn't (I made chocolate cars on pretzel sticks for Jadin's class treat and Daniel has been looking forward to sharing those with his class on his birthday), but that she DID give them apple slices and they drank a lot of water. (Does this sound arrogant to anyone else, or is it just me? I was never instructed on the matter. 'Insert frustration here')
I am already not crazy about Mrs. H. (I blogged about her showing no grace to Rachael when I was helping at school) and that certainly doesn't make me love her any better.
Luckily, Daniel's teacher wasn't hurt. We had a conference with her right after class, and she said he is a sweetheart and never has behavioral issues (I am not surprised) but we have to work on writing letters and scissor skills (that doesn't surprise me, either. He is a lefty, and scissors are made for right handed people).
It's also Navy Day in Ukraine and I am expected to write a nice note to dad. I am NOT GOOD at that. I want to write something meaningful, but am expected to wish him health and prosperity. That always makes me frustrated, because it seems like I write the same words every year and am not conveying the message of how important he is to me.
It's only noon and I am already feeling drained.
Oh, and I am having an extra long flute lesson tonight and dreading it a little due to apparent (to me) lack of progress after hours and hours of practicing.

Off to the gym I go to work out some frustrations and hopefully to be able to hold it together at the lesson.

I Am That Mom.

The mom that bribes.
When I first started this blog I wasn't sure I will have much to write about. After all, I do stay home, I am not creative and for the most part do not craft (save the kids' scrapbooks and all the clothes I made for Rachael before she was born. Girls are so much fun to dress!) It's interesting how motherhood provides one with all the material they would need to write (and takes away all the time to do it :) This post is mommyhood inspired.
I first discovered the joys of bribery when it was time to teach Jadin to read (or, at least I thought it was time.) He didn't take to it right away. He was only three and his attention span has never been the greatest. He would much rather run outside. But it was February, and it's not pretty here. Unless you have hot flashes, of course, which we are all too young for that.
But I digress. Being stuck at home with two small boys and bored to the point of being willing to teach a hyper 3yo to read, I ordered 'One Hundred Easy Lessons...' (love that book, by the way, it has seen a lot of use with both boys) Since Jadin thought it was fun for about the first two minutes, I promised him candy at the end of each completed lesson.
And so it began. The bribery, I mean. After it worked miracles with reading, we moved to meals. If you want a treat, you have to finish your food. Oh, wow! Those plates got cleaned up. In some cases (Jadin) fast, in some (Daniel) not so fast (but then again, Daniel is just slow at everything).
Awww, and then, sweet Rachael. Stubborn as a mule. Gotta love the child for her single mindedness, though. I am sure it will serve her well in the future. She decided she didn't like it when mommy played flute and would start making heart wrenching screams and producing huge tears every time she'd hear (or thought she heard) flute music, or when I was out of sight for more than 10 sec. at a time. Oh, joy! M. asked me what I did to the poor thing to cause that kind of a reaction. (didn't do anything, I promise) A sucker and permission to play in the sink in slowly dripping water did the trick. We went from 'If you want to play in the water, honey, you have to let mommy play the flute' to her bringing my flute case to the bathroom (I need the mirror to make sure I am playing with the correct embouchure) saying 'Mommy! Come play flute!' LOL.
And now, naps. We had a looooong screaming session yesterday which resulted in 'If Rachael screams in her bed she doesn't get a sucker' rule. It was demonstrated to her in the afternoon. She threw fits ('I want a suuuuuuucker!!!!! Mommy didn't give me a suuuuucker' You get the idea.) I quietly explained to her (about a hundred times) that screaming in her bed during nap time means NO SUCKER.
Today there were no tears. She played in her bed for a while, explained to me that she is going to close her eyes to get a sucker (insert about 50'that's right, honey's here) and is happily snoozing just as I am typing this.
Ahhhh, the power of bribing.

Swimming Super Star (Bragging Moment)

When I was in second grade, my parents decided that school and music lessons were not enough to occupy me. So they signed my up for swimming lessons. And a few months later we moved.
Apparently, I was doing really well, because my coach begged and pleaded with my parents to allow me to continue training with her. She must have promised gold medals in the future because despite their better judgement they agreed. Why wasn't it good judgement? First, I was starting third grade in a new school and was to be enrolled in music school which was a much more serious undertaking than your regular music lessons once a week. Secondly, it took 2 hrs one way, two different types of public transportation and quite a bit of walking. By myself. Perhaps, I should mention here that my sense of direction is non-existent. I once got lost going home from music school which was only 20 min. away.
Yes, the first time I took the wrong bus, it was over. Coaches were upset, but this time mom stood her ground (it took me all day to find my way back home. No cell phones back then, either. Or any phones. It WAS a Soviet country, after all)
Why am I telling this story? Well, apparently, I DID have a little bit of a talent. And it got passed on to my middle son, Daniel.
We didn't realize this until the other day. I mean, sure he was doing really well in his swim class, ending up on the same level as his older brother. Is that unusual? It is. He started this most advanced class for his age group (3-5 yo) at the end of September. It is so rare for children to make it to this class before they turn six, that they only offer ONE class (6 kids max, and I've never seen for then 4 in that class). Which means we HAVE to be there at that time if we want him to swim. When they first dropped him in the adult pool I was sure he was going to drown. I was secretly praying the teacher doesn't turn his back on him for a second and allow my child to perish. I was prepared to jump into that pool and rescue him. At the end of first session his teacher put something like 'it's going to take Daniel a LOOOOOOONG time and a lot of practice to pass this class'. We were on the same page :)
When M told me Daniel passed that class at the end of second session, I thought he was joking. I was sure he meant Jadin. He showed me the paper. Daniel passed the class. After only TWO sessions. BEFORE he turned 5. When I went to sigh him up for the next level, the lady working the front desk (who has been there forever, by the way) didn't know what class I was talking about. It is so rare for any child to be in that class, she didn't know it existed. After all, kids usually didn't make it to the previous level before they aged out of it. Daniel has a whole year before he ages out. Let's hope he will stay there for more then two sessions, because they simply don't have any classes more advanced than that one.
I have a super swimmer on my hands.
And, yes, it means we have to spend two hours twice a week so that the boys can take swimming lessons. Sigh. It's sooo worth it. That's what I keep telling myself.

Seven Quick Takes

1. I am getting tired of 2 y.o. back seat driving. When we go home from school, I hear 'a-a-ah, slow down!', when we go to the YMCA, she keeps saying 'that one parking spot!' (parking is a HUGE problem) when everything is packed. And so on (and on, and on, and on) Two year olds SHOULD NOT be able to talk!!!!!!

2. Mornings are stressful around here. I am NOT a morning person, my kids DO NOT like breakfast food, so feeding them is a big headache, Daniel is very slow and Jadin is very hyper. Rachael wants to be held. One of them decides he/she needs to use the bathroom for 20 minutes just as we are finally heading out the door (and are usually too late to make it on time already).
Today, Jadin went out to get in the car, Rachael opened the door and the dog escaped, I ran out of the door to get the dog. Daniel walked out of the door and closed it shut. With the keys still inside.
I proceeded to have a meltdown. I yelled at him. I might have said 'stupid idiot' to no one in particular and am pretty sure all three kids heard that. Sigh. Not my most glorious moment. Mark had to leave work to open the door for me. He wasn't happy.

3. Moving on. I am bound and determined to find the right flute embouchure. My teacher was gone for three weeks, so I've been playing the wrong way (yet again) without knowing it. She explained it to me AGAIN (for the thousandth time) and with the help of the Internet I am thinking I finally got it (after two solid days of trying). It sounds horrible, but it usually gets worse before it gets better. We will see.

4. I was planning to go to a YMCA nursery potluck (baroque themed, people were encouraged to dress for the time period) tonight. I even have a long dark maroon dress that can be counted as 'baroque' (or close enough). M tells me he will not be back from work till 6. It STARTS at 6. He's been up for 16 hours. I guess, it's not going to happen.

5. I was invited to a party where the hostess is trying to sell stuff. It's tomorrow. I was going to go, but now am thinking probably not. Rachael fell asleep in the car just as I pulled into Wall.mart's parking lot (to go grocery shopping for the next two weeks.) And M. called right after and asked if I could bring him some food. So, instead of grocery shopping I went food and husband hunting (he delivers food to restaurants, so it's challenging to catch him at one particular place). Which means I will have to do it tomorrow instead of going to the party. Oh, well. We don't have any money for that anyway.

6. It has been very VERY warm here (in the 60's) for a few days. I can NOT wait for spring, it is so nice to not shiver all the time. I took the kids to the play ground. It was getting to be late in the day and I did put sweaters on them. There was a 4 yo little girl wearing a sundress and flip flops. SUNDRESS???? I was getting too cold in a sweater!

7.I let the kids play in the tub while I am writing that. My suspicion is the floor is flooded and the water is probably cold by now. So, I am going to get them out. Wish me luck.

Comic Relief

Being from Ukraine with it's infamous Chernobyl nuclear explosion I just can't get the picture of glowing herds of radioactive cows praising the Lord out of my head! LOL

(And, yes, this is the actual order of worship from my church from last night. The title is supposed to read 'Lord, With Glowing HEART I'd Praise Thee')

Christian Character Award

My kids' school has chapel every week. I am not sure how I feel about it. Don't take me wrong, I LOVE it that they get to worship God every Friday. What I am not sure about is the 'entertainment' side of it. The Chapel worship leader is a lot of fun, she plays the guitar and she talks between songs and she is very, very entertaining. The kids love her. And I love her, too. But then, again, we (or, the kids) are not there to get entertained. They are there to worship. To show love and respect, to enter into God's awesome presence and be amazed by His greatness and humbled by the realization of their sin. I think it's hard to achieve when you are having fun. There's a time and a place for everything.
And then there's 'Christian character' award that they give one student of each class every week for demonstrating Christian character.
I don't know what YOU think when you hear Christian character. I tend to look at it as work of the Holy Spirit in us resulting in producing fruit. 'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control.' (Gal.5:22-23a) So, it is unbiblical to reward a CHILD demonstrating this fruit, because it is Spirit that works these things in him/her. When you reward the child for what GOD is doing in him, you are encouraging pride and self-reliance.
I witnessed this kind of attitude first hand in the school hall. A frequent recipient of that award, a kindergartner, asked me if I was Jadin's mom. I said I was. He told me that Jadin used to sit by him but the teacher had to move Jadin because he was too distracting (not true, they move them around every semester regrdless). The 'holier then thou' attitude was so thick you could taste it! Did I mention that the little guy is a KINDERGARTNER! I don't want to see what that attitude looks like by the time the child is in sixth grade.
Now, you may argue that we are 'to work out our salvation with fear and trembling' (Phil. 2:12) and a child should be rewarded for their effort. I agree. BUT, how do you measure the effort?
Let me explain using the example of my own kids.
Jadin.



Jadin is my rambunctious, never sitting still, fun loving, always moving around, living in his head, having a hard time concentrating child. I am sure if we cared to have him diagnosed he would be pronounced ADHD. He is also tender and quick to respond to some one's pain, ready to give his most beloved possession to comfort others, willing to stand up for those he loves child. He is always the first to pray. For him, getting a month of green lights (for good behavior) at school is a huge achievement because he is just so full of life and energy, it's hard for him to sit still and listen. The fact that he does that day after day, means he knows what's expected of him and workes HARD to do it.
Daniel.



Now, take Daniel. He is fun loving , too, and energetic, but he is also much quieter. If you sit him down and tell him to color, he will COLOR even if the earth start falling apart around him. He loves vegetating in front of the TV. He loves to sit in my lap and be loved and he doesn't need anything else to occupy him. He is perfectly content to just sit. Yes, he is the perfect candidate for the 'Christian character' award, but is this of his doing? Of course, not. That is how he was created by God. It takes no effort whatsoever.
So, out of the two of them, who do you think is more 'worthy' of that award based on 'working out your salvation with fear and trembling'? Who puts most effort in being 'good' (sitting quietly and doing what they are told to do without distracting everyone)? A child who was born to be content doing it or the one who has to give it his all to do it?
Jadin has never been a recipient of that award. Yet, he has been coming home with all green lights (with four exceptions since Sept.1st).
Now, call this a 'good behavior' award, leave 'Christian' out. That doesn't mean you have to put any effort in it. The 'Christian Character' award implies EFFORT. Or else, you are rewarding the child for the work God is doing in him and for the way the child was created.
Not fair, anyway you look at it.
What should I do?

Nothing Blog Worthy.

Absolutely NOTHING! Unless, of course, you want to hear about laundry and vomiting children. No? Ok, then.
On a different subject, I feel like I have been surrounded by death. It started when four families in our very small church lost their loved ones in a very short period of time. I am not sure why it affected me so much, but I have been shaken up. Maybe because I understand God's perfection and how offensive our sins are in His sight and it's hard for me to remember that He is also GOOD. Not just good in general, but that He is good to ME. He showed it time and again. But my sins are always before me. There's so much loss and death in the world brought in by sin. Why should I escape? Why should my soul be spared the loss of the ones I love when everyone around me is affected? Am I less sinful? Am I in any way different? Is He not the same God to them as He is to me? Is he not glorified in death as He is in life?
So, why should my soul be spared the grief?
Don't worry, we are all well (minus the throwing up, which is not deadly as Jadin is as happy and running around today as he was yesterday) Still, I feel like I am living in shadows.
My teacher called yesterday saying that her mom is dying so she will not be in town for some time. And I also learned about the death of this beautiful little baby girl. So.Not.Fair.
I hate you, sin! I am so looking forward to Jesus coming back. And today I am trying to remind myself that death has been defeated. Christ's life, death and resurrection is the seal on my 'not guilty' decree. That day WILL come.
As for now, as Apostle Paul said 'To live is Christ and to die is gain'

The Smiling Embouchure Is Noooooo Good

This is what I am really struggling with:


I like the guy, he is really funny.
I can't figure out how to go up an octave to save my life, though. My mouth is just refusing to curl DOWN. When I move my jaw the way he is doing it, no sound comes out.

It is somewhat comforting that this is a master class, he is teaching professional flutists, so it's not just my problem.

God Takes Care of Us Always.

We had no school yesterday because they were forecasting wind chills of -40F. Of course, it wasn't that bad, actual temps were around -7F for a high, and the winds were typical SD winds. So, I called a friend (she was going to take her daughter to school for their 2hr late start) and we met at Starbucks for a quick cup of coffee. Since I had the boys with me I got them hot chocolate (a real treat, they only had Starbucks hot chocolate once before) as a bribe :) We had a nice visit.
A side note, Rachael has this thing now where she'd misbehave as long as it takes to get a spanking (I usually don't spank her unless she is hitting a hot cup of coffee I am holding threatening to spill it and burn both of us or of she is throwing food hard enough to get people sitting at the table next to ours. Or something along these lines.) So, she got her spanking yesterday and was a perfectly happy little girl after that, playing and giggling, quite a contrast to a winy unhappy child she had been all morning. She did it again this morning when M and I went out on a little 'breakfast' date. The transformation was so drastic that even M. (who is usually not keen to observe things like that) commented on the subject. Is that what terrible twos look like in a girl? Because the boys NEVER did this.
Anyway, back to yesterday. I wasn't feeling very well all day but decided to go work out (to make my body 'snap out of it' Didn't work quite as well, I only did 400 cal. and had to quit). We got back home without any trouble (and by that I mean the car worked and I didn't vomit all over it:).
Well, this morning M. went to start the van to take the boys to school. It was completely dead. Wouldn't start. At all. It appears that the battery finally died (after 8 years of faithful service) and nothing helped.
Now, what would I have done if it happened last night? -7F isn't that bad, unless you have to walk home with three little children in tow. If today wasn't M's day off, the kids would have to miss school (they had a trip to the stock show planned for today, both were really excited about that). Providentially, M WAS home and took them to school in his pickup. And the van held together yesterday. God really does take care of us.

Thoughts on a Sunday Night.

1. My husband is sick. He got Rachael's bug. I am sure there are worse things in life than a stomach bug, but let me tell you, we are all quite miserable here.
2. Tonight's worship service has been cancelled. The weather is not good (we had fog and freezing rain last night and it has been snowing ever so lightly all day), C., or pianist, has plans and I can't play (because of #1 and having three kids), our Pastor just came back from an out of town meeting last night and had asked another pastor to preach at night (not a good idea since the roads are so bad). So, no church tonight. Kind of sad. But it makes it easier with the kids, because I had them all bathed and in bed by 7:30. We are usually not even home from church that early.
3. Stock show started last week. We went as a family on Saturday just for a little while and the boys are going with their classes. Jadin is going on Tuesday and Daniel on Wednesday. Rachael was sooo very good, she walked almost the whole time and I never heard a word of complaint out of her. Pretty good for a child who is recovering from an illness. Jadin was pushing his boundaries. Daniel kept saying that he wanted to sit down. I was stressed. It was one of those times when I wished I had leashes for the boys. It was crowded and did I mention Jadin waving his arms around like a wind mill, touching everything (being especially careless with fragile things), wanting (very loudly) to go a few different places at once, asking for toys and candy, not staying with us and just being a normal (though a little... (ok, A LOT) hyper) 6 year old. Like I said, stressful.
4. I keep experimenting with the flute trying to get the best sound. Not sure how I feel about the results. I will have to settle on one way of doing things and stick with it, though, if I want to get anywhere. I stopped playing in church for now hoping to correct a few things and then resume, otherwise I just go back to the bad habits that used to work for me (sort of).I really missed it, I didn't realize how much I enjoy doing it.
5. Everyone is sleeping now, so I should turn this thing off and go to bed. Have a good night, everyone.

Pretty Little Girl...

in a blue bishop dress. And getting back to her normal happy self.

A Long Overdue Update.

I haven't written a post in a very long time. Not sure why. I was busy at times, or plain not wanting to write at other times.
Also, terrible two's are in full swing here. Rachael is independent. She will not let me do ANYTHING for her. That includes no assistance in the bathroom (The sound of bathroom door slamming shut and a little voice calling 'I want privacy!' makes me shudder. She's gotten hurt on the step stool in there on more than one occasion and is covered in bruises), climbing over (and falling off of) the kitchen gate, putting on/taking off of clothes (which, by the way, takes her FOREVER, but if I dare help to speed up the process, she throws a fit, takes them all off and starts over), eating (spaghetti flying everywhere), going to bed (last night she decided she was tired at 7pm and started screaming 'get up, mommy, get up!' It took me a while to realize that she just wanted my permission to go to bed.)
On the other hand, she is very clingy. I can't sit down at the computer without her treating me as a jungle gym and wanting my undivided attention. I am not allowed to pick up the flute or come within 2 feet of the piano. When she sees sheet music, she pitches a fit. Now, that part definitely needs to stop. I HAVE to be able to play/practice my instruments without it turning into a major meltdown. She has to learn to give me 40 minutes. I recently started giving her playdoh at practice times and telling her that she can only play it while I am practicing. She LOVES playdoh and is usually looking forward to that time of the day. Unfortunately, I can't concentrate on what I am playing amidst the constant 'Look at me, mommy! Can you open this, mommy? I want ____, mommy.' So, I went back to practicing while she is asleep. Let me tell you, I accomplish more in 40 minutes while she is asleep than I do in 2 hours if she is awake.
That brings me to what occupies my thoughts during the day. My flute lessons started a month or so ago and I am loving it! My teacher has 20 years of experience and is very instrumental in diagnosing and correcting my problems. She helped me figure out proper embouchure and angles, and gave me tone and breathing exercises (definitely a challenge! But I LOVE a good challenge) and I am seeing improvement after only two days of doing them. Of course, I can't really talk or eat, the muscles in my mouth are so sore. It hurts to even think about proper embouchure. But it works. Hopefully, the soreness will go away in a couple of weeks and practicing will not be as painful. But I noticed that I can finger much faster while maintaining good (or, rather, better then before) tone, something I have been struggling with. And my long notes are improving, too. I don't fall down an octave for the most part (unless I am just tired and can't maintain muscle control, that should go away with practice, too) and my sound is less raspy.
In other words, it's going well and I am having a lot of fun with it.
Back to Rachael. Say a prayer for her if you think of it. She's got some sort of stomach bug and haven't been able to keep anything down the last couple of days, though she seems to be doing a little better today. Hopefully, it will go away quickly and the boys will not get it.
Jadin has been acting up recently. He got two yellow lights at school in the past month and I seem to have to constantly discipline him.
Daniel had a spell when he said no to everything I said, so we had to work on that, as well.
All that adds up to a whole lot of disciplining. Not easy, I tell you. But I think we are progressing. At least with Daniel.
That's probably it for now. I will try to update more often in the future.
Hope you all are having a good day.

Finally!

My Internet is back! And did I miss it! We have been having reeeeeeally cold weather (today temp went up all the way to 9F) and some snow. I think that's what caused connection problems.
It was an eye opener for me. I didn't realize how much time I spend on the computer. Yesterday I managed to finish a project I have been dreading for the last 7 years. Cleaning M's side of the bed and under the bed. It was really REALLY bad, I ended up with 3 large boxes of his old magazines alone. The were also weights (lots of them) that he has never used in our 8 years of marriage. And empty gun boxes (that apparently I am not allowed to toss because should he decide to sell them, original boxes add value) Covered in layers and layers of dust.
He came home and was really upset though he did move the bed and let me vacuum under there. How can guys live like that and not mind? So what that it's under the bed and you can't see it. You are still breathing it! After that he proceeded to empty the boxes and put old magazines back under his side table. WHY??? What was wrong with keeping them in the box?? He told me it's HIS house and HIS stuff and he will keep it where HE wants to keep it.

OK then.

Not a good attitude. And I AM still upset.

Then there's Rachael. She doesn't want to take naps in her bed. She wants to be held. She screamed for 2 hours yesterday and for an hour today. Didn't take a nap. Almost fell asleep on the (5 min. long) drive to the YMCA.
It's 3 hours of screaming in two days. Her throat is sore. She is tired. She did fall asleep on the way back from the Y and slept for about an hour. Oh, glorious hour! I got to practice flute. My second lesson is tomorrow, and what do you know, all of a sudden she doesn't want me to play flute. Or anything else, for that matter. She starts....yes, you guessed right, screaming. The only time I get to practice is when she is napping. Which, she is not.
Why did she decide she doesn't like me playing right after I started lessons? She never objected before!

In other words, fun few day. At least, I still get to work out. I don't know what will happen to my mental health if she decides she doesn't like it in the Nursery any more.