It has been a huge inspiration. A few weeks ago I stumbled upon blogs of Catholic women sharing their ups and downs on the path of conceiving a baby. First of all, I had no idea having a baby can be that hard. You see, people don't talk about that kind of stuff in Ukraine. I got married at 26 and my knowledge on the subject was so limited I think I could learn from your regular teenager here. I thought it usually takes about a year to conceive. Well, I tell ya, a month after being re-untied with my husband I found out that it really doesn't take that long. Ooops.
So, I really don't know how to address the subject with tact. I know at least one lady who wasn't able to have children and I found out by accident (after making a really insensitive remark about her not having babies at home (due to her age) Also, my wonderful neighbor doesn't have any children though as she told me once they are not trying to not have any. She doesn't seem to be upset about it but as I have been learning, people don't always admit. I try to not parade my kids in front of her just in case (which is virtually impossible since we share a driveway and my kids love her to pieces and always do things like pick flowers for her or run to say hi and share the latest boo-boos with her) Anyway, it's helpful to learn from people who are willing to be open and honest about the subject. Because I really want to be able to minister to women both with and without children.
Also, it's amazing to see these women's faith shine through the pain. I may disagree (strongly!) with their theology, but I respect and am encouraged by their clinging to God in it and willingness to submit to His will. One of my missionary friends once told me what his view on evangelism was. He said, he shares the gospel with those willing to listen and prays for a crises in their lives to help them seek after God. Because, let's face it, people rarely need God as much when everything is going well in their lives as they do when faced with difficulties and pain. Wouldn't you agree?
Which brings me to my own greatest spiritual struggle. It's one thing to know in your head that God is not just good to any believer, but that He is good to me personally. It's a different thing to believe it. And have no fear of God taking away what I love the most (my family) to make me want Him more. After all, why would God, fair and awesome, perfect in every aspect Creator and Judge would look at a wretched sinner like me with mercy? Yes, I know the answer, but I still fear. I feared through all three of my pregnancies, through kids' baby and toddler years and I fear now, though they seem to be healthy and thriving. Let me tell you, it's not easy to live in fear. And I am learning to trust in God's mercy. So these blogs offer a wonderful support and encouragement. If any of you ladies ever see this post, thank you for your honesty. It helps more than you know.
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Changing the subject completely, my 17 m.o. is a competitive pee-er. I know, it sounds strange. But every time the boys need to go, Rachael appears to be dying to use the facilities. Even if she had just done it five seconds ago. And to prove it, she will try as hard as she can to squeeze a little out and wet her panties. That is beyond irritating! Also, she decided she is done with her sippy cup. And since we were so slow to get it she decided to stop drinking yesterday. Completely. By the time we finally figured out what was going on she was just dying of thirst and wouldn't stop crying. Well, today I finally got it and started giving her milk in a regular glass. I have me a changed child! So, what's next?
I think its great youre sensative to others emotions even if they dont share them. Believe me, people in my real world dont know about our issues, they think we're crazy for adopting and "why not have your own?" I think 2 people in my real world know. Its easier to keep it to ourselves. But that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt, as youve read on my blog. I try to be happy and smiley for others joyous moments.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is a mover and shaker in this world, not to be outdone by her brothers :) Way to go!
Yeah, usually when someone is trying to adopt you should back off and understand that something is going on. Someone in our church told me once they found prayer and support of their church friends a huge help after their second miscarriage (they kept their first one a secret and T said she wished they shared the first time, too)
ReplyDeleteI could write a whole blog post on the blog post! ;) hahahaha
ReplyDeleteIts funny how our fears are flipped. I always feared i would NEVER conceive but now that I have, I have NO fear about the outcome.
And it was interesting because the thought that used to run through my head is He raises people from the dead He can make me pregnant. Simple as that... ;)
isn't it interesting how though our fears are different, we all have them. We all need Christ continuously to free us. I used to be ashamed of that fear thinking that I must not be a strong enough Christian. Now I am simply thankful to see God's work in my heart.
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