What Makes A House, A Home?

Have you ever thought about that?
When we first got married it was decided that I move here instead of us living in Ukraine. The main reason for that was M's inability to provide for us due to his not speaking Russian. Of course, we could have chosen for him to stay home and for me to work, but that would be too hard for him. We both believe in biblical roles for husbands and wives, and that meant I move to the US.
M. had owned this house for some time when I joined him. He worked really hard to make me feel at home, to make room for my stuff and to get anything I can possibly want that I had to leave behind. He bought a big dresser and made room in the closet.
I didn't have problems adjusting. Not really. I knew the language and way of life and it was acceptable to me. Most importantly, I was finally re-united with the man I loved.
Yet, without realizing it, I felt like a guest in his home for the longest time. I didn't feel comfortable re-arranging things. I felt I needed to ask his permission if I was to deep clean anything. In addition to that, I moved here in February and our first son was born at the end of November that year. In 9 short months I was no longer working, lived in a new country with no real friends or any family close by and had a very fussy infant to care for. For months I wouldn't sleep in our bed being afraid of Jadin disturbing M's sleep. Like a good guest, I tried my best to let him rest while rocking MY crying baby. For some reason I didn't realize he was OUR baby. That HE was responsible for Jadin as well. I felt very alone.
Years have passed. Jadin is no longer an infant. God added two more kids to our family. On Saturday as we were making chocolate waffles and raspberry whipped cream and listening to Christmas music, I realized I no longer felt like a stranger, a guest in this house. It was my HOME filled with aromas of breakfast, voices of children singing and playing, comfortable chairs and love. Full of memories. It's no longer me versus him. We are truly 'us'.
I am not sure when that transition happened. I no longer feel like I have to ask permission to put stuff where I think it should go or invite a friend over. I don't need advise on everything and anything. It's all figured out, for the most part. If I need help I ask. But most importantly I feel like we both have our own place and a role to play. An important role. Sure, I don't 'put food on the table' but I cook it and set that table to serve it. He still doesn't take care of kids 'after hours' but he will get up and help clean up when Jadin throws up in the middle of the night. I am no longer alone or a guest.
We are in this together.